The Right Stutz
Image from Stutz by Netflix
Recently, Jonah Hill made a documentary profiling his psychiatrist, Phil Stutz. His intention was to share the tools his therapist used to help Hill during his most difficult times, including the loss of his brother. Within, was a poignant love letter to the person who changed his life.
Along with a peek into what happens in sessions, “Stutz” highlights the most important part of clinical care—the therapeutic alliance. Essentially, this is the feeling of connection with your therapist. And it’s important. It’s one of the reasons I choose to provide a free hour session for potential clients. Therapy is time and money, so you better be sure how and with whom you spend both.
The Stutz documentary represents therapy at its best. Unconventional yes, but authentic and effective. The effortless relationship between Hill and his psychiatrist is real and for those who have yet to discover the right fit with a therapist, it’s enviable.
So how do you find your Phil? Every clinician has a different approach, but here are some things to consider when looking for a therapist:
You should feel the spark right away.
There has long been a model of the clinician as a cool, aloof observer who reflects. It still exists in practice today. Personally, I’m not a fan. Clients are not diagnoses or case conceptualizations. They are people. While clinical skill is essential (otherwise, you could use family or friends and save lots of money), a healthy therapeutic exchange should feel like a dynamic conversation with your goals and concerns at center. Warmth and acceptance don’t hurt either. Bottom line: If you don’t feel comfortable with your therapist in the first couple of sessions, move on.
They balance the personal and professional.
As therapists, we are taught to maintain boundaries on personal disclosures. This is for good reason. For clinicians with diffuse or unhealthy boundaries, these violations could be detrimental to a client. A good therapist knows where to draw the line. For example, if your therapist tells you about his divorce during your intake session (and you are there for grief care) this is an example of poor boundaries, not to mention the inability to read the room. The gold standard: Does the disclosure serve the client? Your therapist is a person and along with their clinical technique, they may have relatable and useful life lessons to share. Many therapists draw upon their personal experiences. The shared human condition can be a great tool in therapy. But it should be wielded like a scalpel, carefully and with deliberation.
They have a good sense of humor.
Humor is a great way to manage adversity. While humor isn’t exactly inherent to pain and suffering, it is key to the process of making meaning. Your therapist should know how to use it. A good sense of humor is also a sign of intelligence and shared laughter can bond client and caregiver at an essential human level. (Stutz: “Did I tell you the thing about Cain and Abel?” Hill: “That you went to high school with them?” Stutz laughs.) Like any relationship, the therapeutic one will scale various heights, both in happiness and sadness. Your therapist should serve as Sherpa, guiding alongside, and occasionally taking in the vistas (and absurdities) together.